The Master Sword Tales: Episode I: Character Recovery

Jax

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[Thothie cleaned up unicode issues on this classic work of fiction Apr 2016]

Hey all,

Back in July Lanethan and I decided to collaborate on a MS:C parody trilogy/story/thing. This is the first chapter, and if you've played lots of MS:C you'll know most of the references. I wanted to put indentations, but the forums doesn't allow me to do it.

Hope you enjoy it!
Jax

*EDIT* Changed the title from Easylevels to "Character Recovery." Because it's more snappy :)

----
Master Sword Tales| Prologue: Easylevels

© 2006 by Lanethan & Jax

Jax=Jhaxavier (mercenary)
Lanethan=Rifkin (bard-ish character)

===
Jhaxavier grabbed the arrow sticking out of his skull and gave it a tug. It didn't feel like anything, nor did anything else.

He was standing in a seemingly dimensionless white room. He turned a few times to get his bearings and finally noticed Rifkin.
He had a waraxe stuck in his head. It didn't look good. In fact, it looked very much like Rifkin was just as dead as he was.

I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU.

Jhaxavier spun around and saw a very large, hooded figure sitting behind a very plain desk, papers neatly stacked and pushed to the right and left corners for a clear view down the center. A scythe had been leaned against the desk. The creature's hands were folded on the desk, a bony finger tapping impatiently as it watched the two.

Jhaxavier froze for a second. "You're'...'

DEATH.

"So we're'...dead?' said Jhaxavier, his face twitching slightly.

HOW'D YOU GUESS?

"Does it hurt?' asked Rifkin. He kept poking at the axe sticking out of his hair.

I WOULDN'T KNOW. AND THAT'S A SILLY QUESTION.

Rifkin shuffled nervously, noting that, indeed, he was the dead one and knew best that it didn't feel like much. Didn't feel like anything.

"So'.... are you going to do like what the myths say?' Jhaxavier asked, "Like you cut our chains to our souls?'

NOT NOW. PERHAPS LATER. I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU WITH A CAREFUL EYE. He stood up from his desk and closed the distance between them in a frighteningly quick and graceful motion. It took Rifkin a moment to realize that he had passed right through the desk, rather than moving around it.

Jhaxavier noticed that Death was very tall, with an equally towering skull for a face staring blankly at down at him.

Death shifted his gaze, looked over their heads and said: JOHANNES XAVIER WHITE. RIFKIN FENNTALE.

Two very large books appeared in Death's outstretched hands. The covers opened and the pages flew from right to left effortlessly with no actions. The flurry of paper stopped and Death looked up.

LOOK AT THE LAST ENTRY.

Instinctively, everyone looks at the surrounding stuff when told to look at one spot. Jhaxavier checked the lines above just for a second:

July 25

6:00hrs| Woke up, had fried apples and boiled apples for breakfast.
6:30hrs| Took random potshots at trolls in ravine. Stones thrown at.
8:00hrs| Explored a cave, was attacked by Blackhand Orcs.
8:30hrs| Escaped cave into the main Orc camp.
8:30hrs| ________


"So we're not technically dead?' asked Rifkin.

THAT'S RIGHT. IT'S ON PAPER, SO IT'S CONFIRMED. WORD OF MOUTH AND GUESSWORK ARE TOO UNRELIABLE.

"What does that mean for us?' asked Jhaxavier.

Death sighed, a sound akin to the sound that nails make when scraped along a smooth, rock-like surface.

YOU KNOW, NECROMANCERS REALLY MAKE ME ANGRY. NO REGARD FOR THE NATURAL ORDER OF THINGS, YOU KNOW.

Jhaxavier and Rifkin stood dumbstruck for a moment, while Death took the book back and replaced it on the impossibly tall bookshelf.

I MEAN, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO OPERATE A BUSINESS LIKE THIS WITH NECROMANCERS RUNNING AROUND RESURRECTING DEAD THINGS AND REVERSING MY WORK?

"What exactly does that have to do with our problem?' asked Rifkin.

OH, OF COURSE, IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU. I FORGOT. DEATH DOESN'T HAVE PROBLEMS OF HIS OWN, NO.

"Sorry, but we're a little confused,' Rifkin said, running his hand through his hair. Or trying to. The axe kinda got in the way.

WELL, FINE THEN. HERE'S MY PROPOSITION. I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH A NECROMANCER BACK IN DARAGOTH. I WAS THINKING MAYBE YOU WOULD BE INTERESTED IN SOLVING THIS PROBLEM. YOU SEE, I NEED YOU TO KILL HIM.

"And what's in it for us?' asked Jhaxavier.

NOT MUCH REALLY, JUST YOUR MEAGER LIVES BACK.

"Oh. Well, that sounds alright then, doesn't it Rif?'

"Of course it does, you fool!'

SO WILL YOU TAKE IT?

"Of course!' they shouted in unison.

RIGHT. COME WITH ME. Death snapped his fingers and a door appeared next to him. THIS WAY, PLEASE, he rumbled, waving absentmindedly towards the door with a bony palm.

Rifkin opened the door. There was a meadow beyond. He looked up at Death and Death roughly shoved him in. Jhaxavier was behind the door seeing how it worked.

YES. NOTHING BEHIND IT, NOW WILL YOU MOVE ALONG?

Jhaxavier complied and stepped into the doorway'...

OH YES, AND WATCH YOUR STEP.

'...And fell headlong in a pile of horsesh*t. The arrow went further into his skull and the broadhead burst out of the back of his head.

"'...Godsdammit!' he moaned, poking the nock that was now sticking out of his forehead. He suddenly looked up and noticed a number of stone walled lots. He stood up and saw Rifkin.

Rifkin was walking around in wonder, taking in the whole drab room's view.

"What?'

"D'you know what this place is?' said Rifkin, still looking around. "There are legends of heroes who are resurrected and brought here to face tests to escape the afterlife to the real world'...well, that's what I read once.'

"Ah.'

NO, NOT QUITE. THAT'S WHAT THE ELDER STORIES SAY. HOWEVER, THEY CARE MORE FOR EFFECT THAN TRUTH'...DAMN DRAB THIS PLACE IS'... he floated out of the door and onto the grass.

"Oh, get to the point already,' Jhaxavier grumbled, wiping the horseshit off his face.

Death glared (or seemed to) at him and continued. ALSO, TIME DOES NOT MATTER HERE. TIME NEVER MATTERS IN THIS PLACE. Death said smoothly, not showing a faintest trace of annoyance. Rifkin took a step back.

AT YOUR CURRENT STATE, YOU ARE SOULS IN DEAD BODIES. THESE, he said, pointing to a wall to their right, ARE YOUR NEW BODIES.

They looked very much like Jhaxavier and Rifkin, same vest, same pants, and the faces seemed very similar too.

NOW DON'T YOU THINK THIS IS GOING TO BE EASY. EVEN THOUGH THESE BODIES ARE YOURS, THEY DO NOT HAVE ANY OF THE STRENGTH OR PHYSICAL SKILLS AS YOU HAD BEFORE. WHICH IS WHY I BROUGHT YOU HERE.

"Question,' said Rifkin.

YES?

"What's with the pink shirts? Under the vests.'

WHY SHOULD YOU CARE?

"Right. No problem at all,' he said reproachfully. Those eye sockets could've shot daggers.

Death suddenly raised his scythe and swung sideways, skewering both of them through the heart. Suddenly, ghostly figures of Jhaxavier and Rifkin fell out onto the grass. They had chains attached to their chests, but both were broken.

NOW, GET INTO THOSE NEW BODIES AND LET'S GET STARTED.

"How?' asked Jhaxavier, poking the chain and flapping it.

WALK INTO IT. NOW, CLIMB THIS LADDER AND GET INTO THIS MURDER HOLE.

"Murder hole?' He asked. He climbed up and peered over the edge. A skeleton grinned at him.

TAKE THAT SWORD AND KILL IT. I'LL GIVE YOU AS MUCH TIME AS YOU WANT, YOU CAN NEVER GET TIRED HERE, OR DIE EITHER. ONCE YOU THINK YOU'RE STRONG ENOUGH I'LL GIVE YOU AN ORC TO FIGHT.

Jhaxavier dropped in and the skeleton was on him, slashing away with karate hands at his chest. Didn't hurt at all! Jhaxavier lifted the shortsword and found it surprisingly heavy. He swung it and it barely cracked its rib bone.

Oh boy. Long way to go now'...

TO BE CONTINUED
===
 

BioRage

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To be continued.. Mabye i could take part..

Time?
Date? :D
 

Crow

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YOU DONT GOT TIME TO MAKE A PROFILE
I loved it :D im a big fantasy reader


btw BioRage... its bloody confusing seeing my sig in your sig and thinking its my post :oldlol:


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The Man In Black

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Pretty good. Do you read the Discworld books? The way that Death talks and acts seems very much like the Death in Discworld (Great series)
 

Jax

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Yeah, the Discworld series is probably the only series I like, aside from Harry Potter (well, when the next book comes out rofl). I plunder the whole terry pratchett shelf when I go to a library :D Death's the best character, aside from Rincewind.

And some explanations of the references:

July 25

6:00hrs| Woke up, had fried apples and boiled apples for breakfast.
Reference to the only food in MS: Apples :p

6:30hrs| Took random potshots at trolls in ravine. Stones thrown at.
8:00hrs| Explored a cave, was attacked by Blackhand Orcs.
8:30hrs| Escaped cave into the main Orc camp.
8:30hrs| ________
All references of locations from Daragoth (and the stone-throwing trolls which I did NOT originally anticipate being in the game :oldlol:)

They looked very much like Jhaxavier and Rifkin, same vest, same pants, and the faces seemed very similar too.

"Question,” said Rifkin.
YES?
“What’s with the pink shirts? Under the vests.”
WHY SHOULD YOU CARE?
Similarities to all the player models, especially those godforsaken shirts :oldlol:

Jhaxavier dropped in and the skeleton was on him, slashing away with karate hands at his chest.
Lollertastic animations >.> :roll:

And pretty much the whole thing is a parody of Easylevels. BUT YOU ALREADY KNEW THAT, DIDN'T YOU. :mrgreen:
 
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