Bored, new idea!

kai

New Adventurer
Dec 29, 2007
108
0
33
A castle in the sky.
I'm sort of bored, and I'm waiting for the last fifteen minutes of my pirated copy of Quake III: Arena to finish so meh, I shalt maketh a story!

In the deep withered territory of northern Daragoth lie icy barren tundra and ancient ruins of a entrance to great evil. Raimundo had heard much about this place, not thinking twice as he staggered forward towards the large cave opening. "Damn," he said, gazing about the slender cave enclosures anxiously. The crevasses littered with the frozen corpses of the Ice Bone Lord's victims, their postures frozen stiff as they were easily turned to statues by it's grip. "I can see this may be a bit tougher than I had expected.." muttered Raimundo, still steadily shifting forward down the hall.

Raimundo rounded a corner slowly, but carefully, expecting to be greeted by the usual storm of frost blasts and being charged by an undead soldier. But this time that had not been the case. Raimundo was rather surprised, allowing his defensive posture to cease as he jolted forward quickly, seeing a faint distortion of blue aura form within a circle. Upon closer inspection, Raimundo could see it was the seal of cold, used by creatures with high levels of icy magic.

The young warrior slowly extended his hand over the seal, feeling the cold pulsation that the barrier emitted. Raimundo gave a shiver, withdrawing his hand to rest back upon his side before nodding, "It must be done.. this is the entrance of it's lair.. I shall continue!" Raimundo stepped forward, allowing his body weight to shift into the seal as he felt the ancient magic take in his form.

A distortion of energy flowed more rapidly, accelerating so fast that Raimundo found himself blacked out! Slowly his vision began to return, finding himself upon his back and rather confused; Raimundo leaped up to his feet. "What the hell?! where am - .." Raimundo was cut short, his jaw dropping as he saw the terrifying sight of the hideous Ice Bone Lord's figure. He simply stood in awe, beginning to step back slowly as the creature had not seen him yet..

[MORE TO COME!]

So what do you think? :p
 

CrazyMonkeyDude

New Adventurer
MSC Developer
RiP
Jun 29, 2007
2,619
2
30
Crow said:
Aside from the very few spelling/awkward sentence/grammer mistakes, It was very good, write more :mrgreen:
Crow said:
ery few spelling/awkward sentence/grammer mistakes, It was very go
Crow said:
ard sentence/grammer mistakes,
Crow said:
ence/grammer mist
Crow said:
I lol'd :mrgreen:

I also agree'd, there are a few spelling and grammar mistakes, and some sentences that seem to run on or stop weirdly. Other than that, it's looking pretty good so far.
 

Sabre

New Adventurer
MSC Developer
RiP
Aug 24, 2004
4,542
0
31
SoCal
I'm bored at work right now, so I shall grammar it up hur.
kai said:
In the deep withered territory of northern Daragoth laid icy barren tundra, and ancient ruins of a entrance to great evil. Raimundo had heard much about this place, but he didn't think twice as he staggered forward towards the large cave opening. "Damn," he said, gazing about the slender cave enclosures anxiously. The crevasses were littered with the frozen corpses of the Ice Bone Lord's victims, their postures frozen stiff as they were easily turned to statues by its grip. "I can see this may be a bit tougher than I had expected..." muttered Raimundo, still steadily shifting forward down the hall.

Raimundo rounded a corner slowly, but carefully, expecting to be greeted by the usual storm of frost blasts and to be charged by an undead soldier. This time, that had not been the case. Raimundo was rather surprised, allowing his defensive posture to cease as he jolted forward quickly, seeing a faint distortion of blue aura form within a circle. Upon closer inspection, Raimundo could see it was the seal of cold, used by creatures with high levels of icy magic.

The young warrior slowly extended his hand over the seal, feeling the cold pulsation that the barrier emitted. Raimundo gave a shiver, withdrawing his hand to rest back upon his side before nodding, "It must be done...this is the entrance of it's lair...I shall continue!" Raimundo stepped forward, allowing his body weight to shift into the seal as he felt the ancient magic take in his form.

A distortion of energy flowed rapidly, accelerating so fast that Raimundo found himself blacked out! Slowly his vision began to return, finding himself upon his back and rather confused; Raimundo leaped to his feet. "What the hell?! where am - ..." Raimundo was cut short, his jaw dropping as he saw the terrifying sight of the hideous Ice Bone Lord's figure. He simply stood in awe, beginning to step back slowly as the creature had not seen him yet...
Cut a few words 'n such, but I'm not a true Grammar Nazi ;), just a Spelling Bolshevik.
 
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