Accusing, and unfortunate, invalid attack.First things first, whatever crosses your mind as people "hating you" for XYZ, is merely just an assumption of yours. Sure, you got the blame for many things, as such is the role of a "leader", anyone in such position should be willing to take on whatever goes down below. The moment you are on top of a group, you have a huge target in your back. This is how society works, internet is no different, infact it can get worst (as you already know) since people can go wild on the internet with such ease. People do know that you "took over" the remains of what was left by the previous lead and worked with what you were given. All the flak from being the lead is nothing more than just part of the role, you've certainly have had your big share of patience to deal with it this long while also keeping the mod alive in the meantime.
Laughter is important yet. Alien still has human shell. Aliens laugh.If you think people are downplaying you by laughing, they aren't, there is humor in everything in this world, even in the saddest moments. This is called dark humor. If such humor exists, creating a laughable moment in a time like this is no big deal. In-fact, you could even consider it as "breaking the ice". You gotta flip the coin sometimes and try to understand both sides of the coin, it's all down to perspective.
There are indeed right, that others have learned the lesson here, but were too afraid of criticism to come forward, and even you, ready to criticize them "SO WISELY" as if you have more stars than this old bird, did not lend a hand first, while holding the other hand back to stay them, out of the surety of your metal of merit in your decision to volunteer first.Next, you are comparing calcifer to the rest of the community it seems and praising him to some extent. I do not see what conclusion you came across to consider him as the "only" person to be on the same page as you. Many people have come and gone, all with their point of view on the problem at hand. The only thing i see here is that you consider him as the person who is closest to you in terms of mindset, potentially. I could be wrong with this assumption though. But if that is the case, then you are wrong.
Finally, if you are wanting to let it go, perhaps you should do something with the resources you have gathered thus far? Put them somewhere people can access them. Things could go south and will go south eventually, nothing lasts forever, but there is no telling what could come from giving other people the chance of taking over your position. Which is why having all the resources you have amounted to over these years, to be accessible by people (or at least some people you are willing to trust).
If you found new life within you and want to enjoy that in the remaining lifespan you have in yourself, it's understandable and i do think you are taking the best option available. Nobody should be neglected a way of leaving, getting rid of ms:c would essentially be "breaking free" from something that has been on your back for quite a long time.
Admirable.Wish you all the best and enjoy life as you see fit. Take your wife and close ones on a roadtrip once all this covid-19 is under control. Forget the past and move on. You are never free untill you stop trying. Do keep this in mind.